So, this weekend, I had my very own little after-school special. You know those ones where the titles were like "The Boy Who Drank Too Much" or "Please Don't Hit Me, Mom". I went to a lesbian bar. Not on purpose, but, it was an experience. Now, before I sound like some ignant redneck from Ala-bammer, I will preface my comments by saying that I have not had alot of contact with lesbians other than Cinemax and from what Tim tell's me. ("They will bite your tallywhacker off!") I was supposed to meet the Steve Perry Fan Club for trivia at a bar in Decatur called Birdi's. I was the first one there, and I walked in. Lo and behold, I saw only women, and some who kind of looked like guys, but I wasn't sure. It wasn't spider-sense per se, but I could feel something amiss. Like when you're wearing a Bama hat and stumble into some redneck Auburn bar. It still hadn't dawned on me what was going on until I went outside to wait, and a (wo)man remarked to me that (s)he would love to "take a bite" out of that chick's ass. So I was like, yeah, she's pretty hot. Yes, as those parentheses show, my gay-dar is horrible. I thought it was a guy the whole time. So, finally I realized that Birdi's was a lesbian bar. Of course, my image of lesbians was terribly misguided. There were no pillow fights. No sexy showers. And I sure didn't witness any tickling. But, just like any good After-School Special, I came to my senses. My stereotypes were misguided and I was no better than the Billy Joe Dean's who ask if I know karate or if "yer wimmen got thems sideways vaginnys". (No and Sometimes). As some violins and flutes played in my head, I heard Alan Thicke's voice tell me that "Son, they are people, no different than you and me." I was further informed that it was called a "Decatur kind of bar." Say the word Decatur out loud. Dec-atur. Dick-Hater. So, for both stints of living in Atlanta, I have lived in Midtown, Atlanta's gay center, and now Decatur, where my johnson is hated. And I don't know why, because Franklin never hurt nobody.

Posted by Victor on Monday, December 05, 2005 at 3:19 PM | Permalink