Sure, it's just January, but it's never too early to start. And as a man who'd I work under any day said "Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin and -- yes, I know it’s January, I am not an idiot -- but if you do your spring cleaning in January, guess what you don’t have to do in spring? Anything…" So stick that in your pipe and smoke it! I've noticed that posting humorous entries for my adoring masses is hard to do when you walk around all day grumbling and harrumphing about the fucking cold weather, a seemingly dead-end job, and of course, being the miserable person I normally am. It's hard to get insightful or funny ideas when a day consists of

6;45 Snooze Button
7:00 Wake up
8:00 Wake up officially
8:10 Traffic
9:10 Coffee
12:30 Lunch at desk
7:00 Traffic
7:45 Wendy's value menu, Sam's Choice Coke
9:00 ESPN or Girls Gone Wild commercials
10:00 Cheap scotch
11:00 Sleep

Awesome....while life is probably a BIT more exciting then that, this schedule above has definitely been a reality for more times than necessary. And in my defense, that Girls Gone Wild commercial was only on in the background while I was washing dishes. And no, washing dishes ain't some euphimism for quality alone time. Although, I guess it could be.....if your penis resembles a plate. But let's do some cleaning. Some writing exercise I found online said that you should sit and stare and a blank wall, and just type words as they come to your mind. Kind of like, I dunno, stream of consciousness. And whatever words come out, they are either nuggets of wisdome, or things that you should not ever mention again. Either way, its supposed to be some sort of mental laxative that cleanses out the mind. I personally always thought cheap booze did it...but here goes (pardon the spelling and expletives):

This is stupid...not getting anything done..aste of time...carbon paper tic tacs bruce pearl is a tool...phone sounds like some stupid bird....frozen pizza...florida gators suck...peyton manning's nose...24....Geneva...stupid frencman piss me off...ugly betty...yellow hihgliter...nipply...white noise...white lion...finger bang...ty cobb...malcom x...mullet possiblities...tax returns...pelosi blinks...chapped lips scrabble eggs...starbucks realy annoys me...seinfled's pretty funny...family feud..peterman rules as new host....voice mail...poptarts with forsting...fat people...blumpkin...jessica biel...aloe vera....gateway...lords of rings....pay cingular...staple gun...special k...wheel in the sky...whisky river...sprained ankle...smurfette...huey lewis was pretty fukcing good....make like a tree and leave...jigowats....cooter

Well. That was....interesting. Not sure what, if any use that 2 minutes was, but reading what I've typed..well. Nothing terribly scandalous. To end on a random note:

Posted by Victor at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well kids, seems I got nothing to say as work has been wooping my ass. So here are some funny pictures that are totally unrelated and will waste some time. This reminds me of those times in middle school where you had to write a 200 page paper and you'd struggle for words. When you could say something like "President Lincoln passed the Emancipation Proclamation" and instead wrote "President Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth president of the United States of America, passed an executive order dubbed the Emancipation Proclamation, one of the single greatest and boldest acts in history." Way to waste words. In a nutshell, my past few weeks have included going to Medival Times (as seen in Cable Guy) and Styx in concert. Talk about living in the past. Anywho, enjoy these pictures as I promise to recharge my creative batteries (aka "Get stinking drunk on cheap scotch"). And if these pictures offend you..then..well....that's too bad. None are meant in seriousness, just good humor.

This is a real figurine you can purchase on some crazy Catholic website....that kid's got good form in his tackling...but I can't recommend tackling Jesus in any situation...

It's funny cuz it's true....

No caption needed....

Posted by Victor at 11:43 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well, seems that the geniuses that run D-I College Football feel that having a "National Title Game" is a great idea. Feh. Hopefully, this will be the last season in a while that 'Bama won't matter in terms of somehow mucking up the BCS. Anywho, good luck to both Ohio State and Florida b/c in the end, both will be sucking on some Crimson Tide dust. I don't get what I just said. The point is this: Alabama won't suck as bad as we used to anymore. But, as always, in big games, the winner will usually be the one with the coolest mascot. Observe:

Albert E. and Alberta Gator - First off, I give mad kudos the the University of Florida marketing geniuses. Al E. Gator!!! Brilliant!!! But, I do question the necessity to have a female counterpart. First off, we won't even get into the Mickey Mouse bullshit of Al running around with his gator dong showing. Now, granted, I wouldn't want to see a gator hoo-hoo dilly either, so Alberta's mini-skirt is appropriate. I still don't see why they need a male and a female gator. If we see an Al E. Gator, Jr., then the image of those two above humping...well...moving on. I won't even comment on the fact that they are associating with an over-sized, self-stimulating, obviously-drunk tooth with what appears to be a big turd on it's head. Huh? What do you mean your shits don't look blue?

Brutus the Buckeye - Alright, I know almost everybody south of the Mason-Dixon always asks "What the fuck is a buckeye?". To make a boring story short, a buckeye is a tree found in Ohio. Exciting. As for good ol' Brutus, he's just a big-ass nut. I really have nothing of substance to say about Brutus. He's got on pants, so this Nut's nuts won't be showing. Har-har. All in all, he looks like a fine, upstanding citizen. I mean, the worst I could come up with is that he's name is Brutus...the name of the guy who betrayed Caeser. Also, I always thought it Popeye was whooping up on Brutus, until I realized that Popeye was really saying "Bluto". Oh well. Lastly, fuck THE Ohio State University. I hate it when people say that.

Cutting short this pathetic attempt at humor, my prediction is this: White people boo Chris Leak and cheer when Tebow comes in. Troy Smith shows that he's not that Heisman-rific. Percy Harvin and Teddy Ginn run really fast. Final score: UF 31 - OSU 21.

Posted by Victor at 1:11 PM | Permalink | Comments

Really, no words need to be said as everyone should know by now that Coach Nick Saban is the next coach of the University of Alabama Crimson Tide football team. All I can say is "Barners, look out." Now, I've had some people question why we refer to the cow college as "Barners." Well, let me explain: Auburn was founded by cows. In fact, there are still cows tenured as professors. Thus, you change one letter in the name Au-burn...and you get Barn. As in, cows live in barns. The school was founded as an agricultural and technical school. And back in the day, a technical school meant "How do I get my cotton gin to oppress more black folks." Anywho, it's a new era in Tuscaloosa, and there shant be any more fearing of thumbs, fists or any other digits. Roll fucking Tide!!! And for your enjoyment, here's a picture of a dear friend with our new coach.CHEEEEEEESE!!

Posted by Victor at 11:11 PM | Permalink | Comments