Yes please, I would like my eyes to be gouged out
So I'm taking a break and trying to enjoy a rerun of South Park on Comedy Central. Lo and behold, at the commercial break, I hear the familiar strains of tropical tunes and get ready for some hot impressionable co-eds (and yes, I do believe the quality of girls have improved....heh) get drunk and wild for only $9.99. But, much to my disgust, it was DUDES!!!! I mean, hell, everyone's always known that this day would happen, but, you're never ready when that day hits. Kind of like the first time you ever say "Damn kids, keep it down! Its almost 11!" It was as if I was in Bizarro World. Day was night. Black was white. Tits were.....dongs. It was a train wreck that I couldn't turn away from. As I sat slack-jawed and trying to hold down my Taco Bell, I think I started bleeding from my ears . Who in their right mind would pay money to see a guy unbutton his metrosexual shirt on a beach or see drunken guys wave their dongs and asses at you? Hell, just give JB or Eric a couple of shots and it's franks, beans and a full moon. I don't ever remember seeing these commercials in Bama, and then I remembered I lived in Atlanta, home of many alternative types (not that there's anything wrong with that). I shook my fist and gave a hearty "Damn it, Big City Living!" In order to prevent my dilly-doo from retracting any further, I switched channels in hope of a Victoria's Secret commercial. Sadly the remote was unkind. The Travel Channel had some show on tribal people, and boy howdy, them's some very saggy boobs. Luckily, Hilary's new sexy music video was on the Disney Channel, and the world was all right again.
Thanks, Onion.com, that's at least less disgusting than the real pictures. For those that are interested (you know who you are), a quick Amazon or Google search should get what your perverted heart desires.
ps - for the comments from the peanut gallery, please be more original than "dude, YOU'RE GAY" or comments of the same ilk. Gay jokes are like Afghanistan, all bombed out and depleted. Let's see some creativity, guys!
I blame you. It is you and your ilk that are responsible for this. Maybe now you realize the folly of your endeavor. You financed this abomination. This is what happens when people buy pseudo porn. If not for your deire to watch desperate wowen beg for attention then the Girls Gone Wild folks would have gone out of business long before they conjured up the idea of "Hey, what about Dudes Gone Wild." Hope your happy now. I will probably have to watch a commercial featuring dude's dongs during the Superbowl. Fuck!!! Ladies save your money. Take your $9.95 buy a six pack of beer and go over to any single guys house, take your top off, and offer your services. I'll bet the farm you get your own, interactive Boys Gone Wild.
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:23 PM
Every word you've typed is true. I now realize the folly of my youthful indiscretions. Oh, why did I have to sit around with friends and be drunk and decide to order Girls Gone Wild? I never foresaw that the nubile co-eds would lead to peeners-a-plenty. For that, I am truly sorry.
PS - McCheat, I hope you still have my Bumfights dvd. Heh
Posted by
Victor |
4:23 PM