Cleaning out the car
As part of my spring cleaning, I decided to give ole TC a good and thorough cleaning. The artifacts that was found only brought up great memories of stupid Victor moments that will forever go down in infamy. Amongst the objects found and some anecdotes that accompany said objects:
1) The cane - AKA Hippie Buster - Yes, the very cane that many a jobless hippie feared. The one that was pointed at vigorously during Homecoming 2004 when just a few too many people were acting insolent and disrespectful. The same cane that was violently wacked upon Joseph Boyels back for no apparent reason other than me being very, very intoxicated. I don't know what comes over me, but when I grab ahold of that cane, I just spout out the most heinous things that shant be repeated here. But, all that matters is that you sir, need to get a job.
2) $6.99 for 8 pieces of chicken and four biscuits at Popeye's - I was so fucking stoked to grub down on some chicken. Alas, the expiration date was 1/31/06, and a couple of tears were shed. I still got my chicken, but no discount was to be had.
3) Long strand of black hair - It was about 12 inches long. Now, it might possibly be mine during my hippy "refuse to stop looking like an asshole and get a haircut" days. It could also be the hair from all the various tail that I'm pulling in. I'll let you decide which one is more plausible of an explanation. Sigh.
4) Burned CD entitled "Music to Annoy My Friends" - After popping it in, the best I can tell about the date of making the CD was sometime after I first heard "Still Loving You" by the Scorpions. I think this was the CD I made with the purpose of angering Tim and Britt. Songs on this masterpiece of a CD include "Working for the Weekend" by Loverboy, "Head Games" by Foreigner, "So Yesterday" by Hilary Duff, "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and of course, "Final Countdown" by Europe. I think Tim did say "I fucking hate you" as a result of said CD. And boy, it was worth it.
5) Flask - My handy dandy flask smelled strongly of 100 Pipers. For those that tasted it, 'nuff said.
6) Pack of Ice Breakers Ice Cube gum - Damn you Hilary! This gum was totally sucky and I denounce your abilities as a corporate schill. But, I still find you (now legally) attractive and have no other problems with you other than weighing about 80 lbs and not returning my letters. Stop doing coke, dagnabbit!
7) Lastly, Piggy - My unoriginal name for a little pig that I won at Dave and Busters when the Graysons and Kev were hanging out in Atlanta. He was to be the friend of Chauncey, but he just couldn't hang. For those that ask, Chauncey was my great friend who I met during spring break. He has an MD and is a fucking cock-block as he won't hesitate to steal the chick you're working on. And he also has no respect for strippers. What an asshole. He's survived a couple of assassination attempts (cough cough TIM) and still lives to ask if you'd like a free mustache ride. He's a great doctor as his diagnosis for any situation? RAAAR! And he'd then bite your head off in the most professional manner. All in all, he's everything I'd like to be: a gentleman and a scholar. 
I did not piss myself. I seem to recall your senselessly knocking my drink out of my hand and onto me in a fit of drunken stumbling around the hotel room. If memory serves, retaliation was swift and brutal. Before the night was over you would be passed out soaking wet and making noises that would make a hound dog howl at the moon.. Strangely akin to your state at your 2nd favorite sleeping spot, Tim and Julia's front yard. As for Chauncy, he has lead a charmed life. i thought he was toast for sure that time on the grill.
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:28 AM
I know, I know. Its Eric. I cannot believe that you put a tiny plastic dinosaur on stage at a titty bar. Are you sure your not an asshole? I should have set that bastard on fire when I had the chance.
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:29 AM
So Tim, who would you rather have chilli dog your mom, Chauncey or the Kool Aid Man?
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:42 AM
Well, that depends on your definition of a chili dog.
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:55 PM
Not for the faint of heart
Copy and pasted definitions from the website:
1) when you take a shit on a chicks chest and tittie fuck her
2) When you screw your lady in the ass and she has diarehha
3)The act of fucking a girl in the ass, pulling out and stuffing it in her mouth while you yell chilli dog.
and a new one "Chilli dog w/ cheese"
"a standard chilli dog but to add the cheese, after pooping on her chest you masterbate on the poop until you ejactulate to make the cheese. You can then proceed with the titty fucking"
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:07 PM
Let me point out that yes, that is Eric, and what Tripoli said has some semblance of truth to what actually occurred. Otherwise, I shall say "no comment." As for the chilli dog definitions, thank you. I really needed the image of the Kool-Aid man saying OH YEAH!! as Ms. Pittman gets shat on. *Shudder*...Final word - GO BRAVES!!! Look for the Asian guy choppin' crazily on the tee-vee tonight!
Posted by
Victor |
2:41 PM
I love a good chili dog, but it takes a real man to pull of a chili dog with chesse. Grimace is the only overweight corporate mascot who gets the job done. Most other guys lose interest after the "cheese" is added.
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:40 PM
Robble Robble! I beg to differ.
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:43 PM
now thats funny.
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:40 AM
Tim, I will never doubt you again - I never needed to read Eric's post... so wrong dude, albeit educational for sure.
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:40 AM