I've always wondered why there isn't a law school television show. As the following will show, it's just a plan bad idea. First off, there are plenty of lawyer shows on TV as it is. And I realize that Ms. Witherspoon has come out with a movie of her own, the great "Legally Blonde." This movie taught me that if I had just skipped Spring Rush, I could have made a 179 on the LSAT. Oh, and sending in videos of yourself in a bikini will get you into Harvard. Blah, blah, I know the point is that you aren't supposed to judge a book by it's cover and etc...sorry, not buying it... the movie still stunk. Anywho, I'm choking on my rage as I think about that movie. So, moving on towards the title, my notion was to steal the idea of "Grey's Anatomy" and think of something famous we studied. Nada. I guess there's Black's Dictionary. That doesn't sound very good. Maybe Emmanuel's? Then we'd have to get Webster to be in the show, which is a pretty good idea. In the end, I guess I'll steal from another famous show. Let's call the show "JD". Catchy, eh?

Ok, so with the title, now comes the hard part. From my experience at law school, it was basically lots of drinking and goofing off interspersed by classes and exams. Now, I'm not the greatest law student, so perhaps that's not typical. But, I'd think my experience would be rife for hilarity. We'd have to cut back the amount the students drink as it would turn into a sad copy of Cheers. ("Houndstooth", where everybody knows your GPA.) Then again, we did a lot of couch sitting and commenting on TV, AKA Beavis and Butthead. So, what angle would work? I think that you would have to go with scenes from the classroom and maybe the main characters would work in law clinics. If this show were to be a drama, there would have to be nail-biting scenes of the young, attractive brunette with her Third-Year Practitioner card wrangling with whether to allow this 4-time DUI to be sent up the river or use the evidence that exonerates him. Of course, as she sits and holds that evidence, she'll stare off in the distance as some mamby-pamby soft rock plays and describes her mood. Maybe something by Rob Thomas or that stupid "You're Beautiful" guy. God, I hate that song. As for classroom scenes, I guess the shit we talked about is cutting edge enough and interesting for the non-legal mind. The first episode would of course debate the truth behind the infamous McDonald's Hot Coffee case and how it was actually not as bad as a ruling as people think. Or perhaps while studying Roe v. Wade, a female student can call babies "Cancers in our body." Every stereotype can be represented, from the fundamentalist and slightly insane WASP to the Militant Minority to the Tree-Hugging Man-Hating Hairy-Legged Feminist. Riveting.

As for the comedy angle, JD would probably end up looking like "Saved by the Bell: The College Years." Lots of immaturity and pointless he-said she-said drama. I guess maybe the main setting would have to be the Break Room, where EVERYBODY hung out, of course. I can't really think of any more humorous situations that would pertain to law school that doesn't reek of your average teenage comedy. Maybe there would be an episode where the comic relief grabbed the wrong brownies and couldn't handle Torts because the Prof keeps on asking if the defendant has "duty on his hands, and if not, who then who can we find that has duty."

Now, the characters and setting would make or break the show. A state school may be interesting, but I'd think that a private school would be rife with storylines. We'd have that kid from the Deep South who talks like Andy Griffith, but knows his law like Matlock. Of course, everybody will be beautiful and the "ugly" one will probably be ugly in an attractive way. Like David Schwimmer. We'll have the "straight from college" blonde-hair blue-eyed protagonist who can kind of Doogie Howser it in his blog about what he's learned today. His best friend will probably be Jewish, and will often whine about how his dad pressures him to join the prestigious firm of Weinsteinburg and Levbrofkovitz. The girls would have to include one hot blonde who wants people to recognize her for her brains even though 3/4 of her boobs are always showing. And they'd be big ones, too. There will be the older student who can kind of be a Yoda to the rest of the students. He's marched with MLK, made out with Gloria Steinem, shared a doobie with John Lennon and fought in Afghanistan alongside a certian rich Saudi. The comic relief will of course be played by a lovable minority. This ne'er-do-well will be the one coming to class late and saying home-spun phrases nobody's ever heard of. Like, "Gee, it's as hot as a cat's anus today!" Throw in the asshole geezer professor in the mold of the prof from "The Paper Chase" and the cooler prof who will hang out at the bars with them. To twist the mold, we'll make the younger, cooler prof be a chick, so that we can have interesting stories as follows:

Professor Hotty: How can I be your teacher AND your lover??
Hunky Student: It's not wrong when it's love. And I LOVE you.
Professor Hotty: How can you possibly know?
Hunky Student: Like Justice Stewart says in Miller v. California, "I know it when I see it."
Professor Hotty: Sustained....
(cue some Jewel and tasteful humping with strategically placed blankets and pillows)

Wow, in the end, the more I think about it, the more I love the idea of "JD". Maybe it's because I've just had 3 cups of coffee and am very...very...jittery, but this idea rocks my socks off.

Posted by Victor on Friday, June 02, 2006 at 9:58 AM | Permalink