Scooby-Doo...where are you???
Or Nancy Drew. Or the Hardy Boys. I need all of y'all's help because I got me a true noodle scratcher. For many who read this garbage called a "blog", you have had the misfortune of visiting my humble apartment. A small, cramped apartment with really nothing of interest. Well, last Friday, after a night out at Loca Luna's, I came home. The mystery starts here. I've been taking to turning my alarm on as there's no need for burglars to break in and steal my booze. So, my door has one of these doo-hickeys on the back.
The point of those things is that you can flip it when you are inside and it prevents the door from being opened or whatever. The point is that you can't get in from outside even if you have the key. So, as I came home, I opened the door and *bam*. Door is jammed by that thing! As I panic, I realize that my alarm is going off, so luckily my small Chinese hards were small enough to slip in and disarm the alarm. So, that's one thing done. Now, the question was how I was supposed to get in the apartment. First off, I was pretty concerned because that the only feasible way that the door was locked that way was if someone was inside. But, that wouldn't make MUCH sense as they would have had to know how to disarm my alarm. So, I realized that I probably didn't lock my porch door, which I hadn't. I climbed onto my porch, came in, and reached for my 5-iron. After checking all 2 rooms in my apartment, I sat down and pondered some more. So, for the smart detective-type kids out there, here's my query to you:
Facts:
1) My alarm was set and nobody knows my password (I think).
2) No windows or doors were open or breached.
3) If someone were to have pulled a prank (who the fuck would?) they would have had to get into my apartment, disable the alarm, flip the lock, and then go out the side door, while also re-arming the alarm system. Not feasible.
4) Nothing was taken.
5) I don't have pets or strong gale force winds in my apartment that could have flipped the lock while I was gone.
6) I had a scotch and a beer that night. I was NOT drunk or even close to buzzing or under any other influences.
Theories:
1) The only possible theory I have is that a combination of slamming my door and the woosh of air entering the apartment as I closed the door somehow blew the lock slightly in place of locking. I don't know if that makes much sense, but I tested it a few times as I tried to slam the door in a variet of ways to see if it would catch. No luck.
2) The boogie man is out to get me as my place is hainted.
3) A million to one shot occurrences.
4) The FBI/CIA broke in to bug my apartment. Now, that's pretty creepy, but I haven't done anything even remotely close to deserving any federal attention. Well, I do have an underground collection of illegal animals and I have torn the tag off my mattress. This is pretty fertile ground for theories as you all know, paranoia and conspiracies are my cup of tea. Remember, I LOVE AMERICA and I am a good Republican.
So, sleuth away with any reasonable (or unreasonable) answers. I'm just gonna sit in my tin-foil hat and try to think only about bunnies and George W. Bush.
They're watching me!!!
Have you tried slamming your door when the long arm of the bolt was half-way out (sticking out from the wall)? If it was sticking out already perhaps a hard slam would make it pull forward enough to catch when you tried to open the door again. Otherwise it's aliens and the CIA. Stop speaking Chinese over the phone.
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:57 AM
Ha, ha, Chinaman! I shall reveal to you my plan to rub my balls and asshole on all your worldly possessions.
1)I know that your porch door is always unlocked, and having observed your tendency to be a drunken louse, I anticipated your friday night outing.
2) I crept onto your porch and waited patiently for you to set the alarm and leave. As you opened and closed the front door to leave, I simultaneoulsy opened and closed the porch door, therby avoiding the alarm.
3) To secure my escape and to make sure that you couldn't sneak back in and catch me in the act, I flipped the bar lock.
4) Now securely positioned inside the smelly gym locker you call an apartment, I rubbed by big, hairy bean bag on all of your stuff. (except for the stuff that I thought your balls had already touched)
5) After I was finished I watched your porno and drank your scotch (before I put the bottle up my butt), and waited to I hear your key hit the lock.
6) After you had tripped the alarm and were busy fixing it, I opened the back door undetected, and slipped into the night.
P.S. I hid a dook.
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:28 PM