Fried.....
I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this, but I do prefer the tastes of fried chicken. In fact, you could say that it is my favorite food. So the other day, as I sat at home not watching my Braves play in the playoffs, I saw that tasty commercial for Friday's. The one where they have 3 new appetizers? Well, from what I recall, there was fried green beans and fried mac n' cheese. FRIED MAC'N CHEESE! I never thought such combination of craziness could occur. Thus, I thought, well hell, why not fry everything possible on God's green earth? I am aware that you can pretty much fry any sort of meat, so we'll ignore the fried "crazy meat you wouldn't eat because you are a narrow-minded asshole". Alas, most of my ideas have already been taken. Observe:
1) Fried Fruits
Sure, everyone's heard of frying up a banana, but what about other fruits?
In order, these are fried strawberries, cherries and apples. All of them seem like pretty damn tasty ideas. Those apple fries are actually offered at Legoland in Holland. Crazy Dutch. I did not see any fried citrus, but that's not saying it couldn't happen. As for those of y'all asking, yes, there ARE fried watermelons. There's plenty of recipes out there. Sadly, I've yet to find someone who was so pround of such a gluttonous act as to post a picture of it. I dunno, I could make an off-colored joke about fried watermelon, but I'll leave that to my esteemed friends on the beach.
2) Fried Main Dishes
It's not enough that deep-frying meats are everywhere. Stop at any fast-food joint and you can get fried chicken, fried fish, fried seafood...etc etc. But, some people thought that that wasn't enough. Again, going with the concept that anything breaded and fried is delicious, these men have decided to fry some pizza and hamburger. Now, I've personally tried the fried burger at the Burly Earl in Birmingham. It is fucking amazing. Just a huge 1/2 lb burger dipped in batter and then flash-fried. I may have lost 10 years of my life that day, but it was pretty darn worth it.
So, that's some fried PBJs, fried cheese pizza, fried sausage (NOT A CORNDOG), and a fried hamburger.
3) Fried "Foods that will kill you as it is"
This is the piece de resistance, the big kahuna. What y'all have been waiting for. Fried candy, snacks, fatty foods, etc... I think it speaks great volumes about how awesome America is. That we know we are fat and that it's killing us all slowly, but hell, if we're gonna go down, we might as well go down having fun and eating the most unhealthiest stuff as possible.
Fried Twinkie, Fried Ice Cream and Fried Chocolate Pudding
Fried Cadbury Eggs, Fried Snickers and 3 Musketeers and Fried Oreos
4) Fried Coke
I'm not even going to try to explain it, so here's the plagiarized story:
Mix funnel-cake batter with Coke instead of water. Pour batter into the fryer and cook up a mass of doughy strands. Stuff into a Coca Cola cup, sprinkle with powdered sugar and douse with pure Coke syrup. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry.Just pure American ingenuity.
If I could find the physical strength to lift my thumbs right now, I would give you a boo-yah thumbs up for sharing such cardiovascular detriment with the rest of us. Fried lard, that's what I'm waiting for. Fuck all the fried high fructose corn syrup goodness, I want fried lard godamnit! Where did America go wrong? Why does the snack food industry hate America?
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:39 PM
Fried Lard would be the Modern Equivilant of Blowfish Airbladder
One Bite = Ecstacy
Three Bites = Instant Death
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:22 PM
I have twice, in a stuper brought upon by various intoxicants, tried to perfect two new fried treats. I believe that they will work, but could not be perfected, I believe because I couldn't get the oil hot enough.
1) Fried oranges with powered sugar. Lightly breaded orange slices fried just until golden brown, allowed to cool slightly and then topped with powdered sugar. I think it would have worked, but what inevitably happened was the temperature of the juice inside the orange just didn't ever get the same as the outside, causing either a shockingly hot blast of orange juice in your mouth, or ice cold orange juice with warm fried stuff on the outisde.
2) But the ultimate idea which didn't quite pan out... Deep fried chocolate popsicle breaded with fruity pebbles. That's right. The popsicle was allowed to melt just slightly so the outsdie became soft. It was generously breaded with the best cereal on earth (sorry to tim and his cookie crisp), fruity pebbles. If the oil were hot enough to flash fry.. success. Alas, it was not, the fruity pebbles instantly fell off of the popsicle and I was left with a wooden stick and 1/2 of melted greasy chocolate. Overall, I gave it 3 1/2 stars.
If I ever do perfect these two, watch out world!
Incidentally, due to excess weight gain causing cardiovascular problems, you would probably find that television and stereo theft would fall exponentially with fried watermelon consumption..
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:41 AM
You have got to be freakin kiddin me. You need to register for a fry daddy.
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:37 PM
If you do. I may just re-gift mine. I have not opened it for fear of the heartache that pandora's box will bring.
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:39 PM
I have a fryer. I was over at my friend's house. He, too, has a fryer. It is old and the oil did not get very hot. I don't know that I can get mine hot enough though. I'm thinking the popsicle needs to be up around 500 degrees at least.
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:57 AM