First off, no, this is not a post railing against the travesty that is Van Hagar. I don't care if you make tasty, tasty tequila Sammy, you stink as the lead singer of Van Halen. Way to go in ruining another attempt at reuniting. Boooo Sammy! Anyways, before I go off on a rant, this post is about the sweet nothings that the Sandman whispers into your mind as you sleep. Or sometimes, when you're in a conference cal or eating a chicken dinner. Often, dreams are just a random assortment of whatever happens to be on your mind. Which, in the case of males...sex. But, on those rare nights where dreams aren't filthy and confusingly juvenile, we get some awesomeness. Dreams like where I walked in on a tryout and became a standout cornerback for the Baltimore Ravens. That dream was probably because I was playing Madden 06 all night and doing those stupid cornerback drills. Or like that time I dreamt that I was stuck in a building during a Godzilla attack. I forget how I got away, but irregardless, I was one of those scared Asians running in the streets and screaming. Other awesome dreams can include ones where you are just hanging out with the most random of people. Like the time I was driving to go to somewhere and in the car was Avril Lavigne and my best friend from UAB. And we got in a wreck b/c I drove off a bridge. Again, armchair psychologists could have a field day with dreams. But, one of the things that rules is when you see things in real life that you would have NEVER been able to dream about. In this case, I present the following evidence of why dreams, in the end, pale in comparison to the world as we know it.

Exhibit A:


So, I enjoy Star Wars. I think Princess Leia is pretty hot. And, obviously, Chewie kicked major ass, even if it was gay that he hung out with Yoda in the trash known as Star Wars Episodes I, II and III. I also love baseball. Yet, never in my most influenced stages have I ever thought about the possibility of taking a pitch from Chewie. Or that Chewie would be a southpaw? Or that Princess Leia would be somehow cheering him on? Madness! This picture shows why you should not use drugs when you are thinking of a promotion. I'm not sure how many kids that day were traumatized by a site of Wookie hurling a baseball. But, from all reports, Chewie did throw a wicked curveball for a strike. He'll probably be the first pitcher taken in my fantasy draft.


Exhibit B:

For the unaware or uninitiated, Journey is the best band in the world with Steve Perry. Without Steve Perry's magical lock of hair and the gift from God known as his voice, this world would be one of pain, misery and desolation. Anywho, it's been scientifically proven that if you listen to "Don't Stop Believing", your sperm count will increase...and if you're a female, it relieves cramping. But, the song also will rock thy socks off. But, what happens if you were to combine it with a shitty QB who gets way too much credit and a man responsible for teaching me all that I know about discipline? Well, let's try some math. Heck, I'm Chinese, so trust me with my math skills.....

+ X
=


That's right. Awesomeness. Don't believe me? Well watch for yourself...and tell me that you are not blown away. It's a bit slow at the beginning, but just wait. And if you aren't pumping at least ONE of your body parts, then you, my friend, may have class and taste....but you have no heart....



My final verdict:
Dreams and Van Hagar are bullshit. Real life rules. And so does Diamond Dave.

Suck on THAT, Hagar!!!

Posted by Victor on Wednesday, February 21, 2007 at 12:56 PM | Permalink