I've always held the belief that this day is a great day in history. Momentous events have always occurred on this day. Or so I thought. Here is a short list of things that I found have occurred on this date.

* 489 - Odoacer attacks Theodoric at the Battle of Verona, and is defeated again.
* 1331 - the Battle of Plowce between the Kingdom of Poland and the Teutonic Order took place.
* 1540 - The Society of Jesus (the Jesuits) receives its charter from Pope Paul III.
* 1590 - Pope Urban VII dies 13 days after being chosen as the Pope, making his reign the shortest papacy in history.
* 1605 - The armies of Sweden are utterly defeated by the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth in the Battle of Kircholm.
* 1787 - The United States Constitution is delivered to the states for ratification.
* 1821 - Mexico gains its independence from Spain.
* 1822 - Jean-François Champollion announces that he has deciphered the Rosetta stone.
* 1825 - The Stockton and Darlington Railway opens, and begins operation of the world's first service of locomotive-hauled passenger trains.
* 1854 - The steamship Arctic sinks with 300 people on board. This marks the first great disaster in the Atlantic Ocean.
* 1903 - Wreck of the Old 97, a train crash made famous by the song of the same name.
* 1905 - Albert Einstein publishes the paper "Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?" in Annalen der Physik. This paper revealed the relationship between energy and mass.
* 1922 - King Constantine I of Greece abdicates his throne in favor of his eldest son, King George II.
* 1928 - The Republic of China is recognized by the United States.
* 1937 - Last Balinese Tiger killed.
* 1938 - Ocean liner Queen Elizabeth launched in Glasgow.
* 1940 - World War II: The Tripartite Pact is signed in Berlin by Germany, Japan and Italy.
* 1941 - The SS Patrick Henry is launched becoming the first of more than 2,700 Liberty ships.
* 1942 - Glenn Miller and his Orchestra perform for the last time before Miller enters the US Army.
* 1949 - The first Plenary Session of the National People's Congress approves the design of the Flag of the People's Republic of China.
* 1953 - TV Record, Brazilian TV Network, debuts.
* 1954 - The nationwide debut of Tonight! (The Tonight Show) hosted by Steve Allen on NBC.
* 1959 - Nearly 5000 people die on the main Japanese island of Honshu as the result of a typhoon.
* 1964 - The Warren Commission releases its report, concluding that Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, assassinated President John F. Kennedy.
* 1968 - The stage musical Hair opened at the Shaftesbury Theatre in London, where it played 1,998 performances until its closure was forced by the roof's collapsing in July 1973.
* 1977 - The 300 metre tall CKVR-TV transmission tower in Barrie, Ontario, Canada is hit by a light aircraft in a fog, causing it to collapse. All aboard the aircraft are killed.
* 1979 - The United States Department of Education receives final approval from the U.S. Congress to become the 13th US Cabinet agency.
* 1980 - Marvin Hagler defeats Alan Minter to claim boxing's world Middleweight championship in London. They have to be escorted away by police after a riot forms. The greatest man in the world was born in Las Vegas, NV.
* 1983 - Richard Stallman announces the GNU project to develop a free Unix-like operating system.
* 1985 - Hurricane Gloria hits Long Island, New York.
* 1986 - Cliff Burton, ex-Metallica bassist, died in a bus crash in Ljungby, Sweden.
* 1988 - The National League for Democracy, led by Aung San Suu Kyi is founded.
* 1995 - The Government of the United States unveils the first of its redesigned bank notes with the $100 bill featuring a larger portrait of Benjamin Franklin slightly off-center.
* 1996 - In Afghanistan, the Taliban capture the capital city Kabul after driving out President Burhanuddin Rabbani and executing former leader Mohammad Najibullah.
* 1997 - Communications are suddenly lost with the Mars Pathfinder space probe.
* 1998 - Google is established.
* 1999 - The last professional baseball game is played at historic Tiger Stadium in Detroit, Michigan.
* 2002 - Timor-Leste (East Timor) joins the United Nations.
* 2003 - Smart 1 satellite is launched.

Wow, just lame. I read through all of this, and save a couple of "key" dates, this day sucks. As for today, I think this day is special because I discovered that Dustin "Screech" Diamond has a sex tape. Yep. Screech has a sex tape will soon be released:

Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.

We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."

Awesome. I cannot wait. Screech wiping poo on a chick's face. And you thought that the picture above was totally irrelevant and sign of my growing dementia. Imagine that mug giving you the "boo-yah" post-sanchezing. And if you don't know what a Dirty Sanchez is, well, my friend, tough cookies. Ask your parents. Anywho, let's keep it short today and end with something that puts a smile to my face. I wish I knew a Florida Gator fan who's NOT my boss so I could go taunt them unmercilessly. Trust me, for this video, you'll want some video. Alas, this won't happen this weekend because a) it's in Gainesville and b) Mike Shula is a moron.

Posted by Victor at 11:48 AM | Permalink | Comments

So I'm sitting here still sore over two overtime losses. TWO!! First, we get to witness the follies of just terrible kicking by Bama. Then, UAB getting downed by Coach Croom. Not good for the ole ticker. Normally, if I were in Tuscaloosa, the above-depiction would be pretty accurate. I would most likely be a sad/drunk panda propped up against a building who refuses to come indoors and continously claim that "man...Ah'm good man...jus let me be...." Anywho, here are a bunch of pictures of elephants and dragons crying (yeah, I don't know what an elephant and a dragon has to do with the Crimson Tide or the Blazers...so shut it)

This just makes me sad. Kind of like when Dumbo had his momma taken away. But then it was all good cuz he met those stereotype black crows. Boy howdy, they sho' sang some tunes!

Posted by Victor at 2:25 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well, after the uproarious demands (fine....only one...from Bethany) I have decided to at least attempt to put something up. It's hard being creative when you're getting your ass handed to you at work day in and day out. And being of the non-intelligent type doesn't help. So, something new and exciting shall be posted soon. As I said to Bethany, maybe a concoction of various inhalents and cough syrup will knock out that writer's block. Hell, I guess I made a semi-post by saying that I have nothing to say. How's THAT for creativity! Boo-yah. As I am plumb dry for humorous material, here is the original video to Final Countdown. I often watch this video and cry myself to sleep as I yearn for the glory days of skipping Corporations and sitting on Tim and Julia's couch drinking hobo hooch and watching Japanese people fall on their faces. Good times.


While you are having your socks rocked off, be sure to notice that 3:50 mark, they have pictures of Europe apparantly holding gold records. Talk about setting the trend for bragging about how awesome you are. Take THAT P. Diddly Poo. Also, note the screaming fans that are piped into the video. It's almost like you are in the audience and can FEEL the presence of their mighty monkey fists.

Posted by Victor at 5:25 PM | Permalink | Comments

Alas, as of the final out in the New York Mets victory on September 13, 2006, a tremendous and momentous streak has ended. The Atlanta Braves will not be the NL East champion in 2006. Sure, there's still a snowball's chance in hell that we could sneak into the playoffs as a wild card, but there will be chance to win the NL East. It's quite an amazing feat as the Braves have been winning since 1991. Sadly, I feel that this is partially my fault as I decided to stink up the city by moving here. But, that's neither here nor there. Fifteens of dominance is quite impressive, but let's see how much things have changed during this improbable run.

Atlanta Braves

Bobby Cox 91 v. Bobby Cox 06
Sigh. Well, it was quite a sad sight to watch good ol' Bobby get older game by game. I guess after so many roster changes, a domestic disturbance and ownership changes will do that to anybody. Irregardless, he's still a surly sonovabitch who can stare down down a wolf.

France

Frenchy v. ummmm...Frenchy now
Well, I don't know if the French have ncessarily changed much in these years. They used to be just the smelly guy who was lame, but still, he had some pretty good booze and grub. Now, they are just lameasses who not only forget how we saved their ass many times, but also that they suck balls. I really do miss the guy that just went "Sacre bleu!!!! Oh la la!", rolled shitty cigarettes, and did what we told them to do. Which was make more Babar cartoons and cheap wine.

President

Senior v. Junior
Without getting all political and saying who did better in Iraq, I will instead judge which Bush rocked out harder. Well, Senior is rocking out a nasty electric guitar that has the word "PREZ" on it. Pretty sweet. And his licks seem to be driving the ladies wild. Where as W, well, he's just kind of strumming an acoustic. While getting help from a roadie. Hands down, Pappy wins this as he is just dominating that cherry axe.

Teen Angst

Grunge v. Emo
Back in MY day, when you got all emotional and hormone-crazy, you put on some dirty jeans, rocked out a flannel shirt, didn't shave, and moped around. Now, these emo kids have this crazy hair, eyeliner and tight girlie pants while crying in the dark...alone. Well, to be honest, I guess both methods of teenage angst is pretty similar. The only difference is that we didn't look like a punch of pansies. We were at least kind of cool about being pissed off at the world. Not this androgynous he-she bullshit. Damn it kids, why don't you stop wearing tight t-shirts and jeans! Well, at least the male teens.

Bad Ass

Angus MacGyver v. Jack Bauer
Firstly, yes, trust me...his first name was revealed in the show as being Angus. Well...there's no question here. Sure, Jack can save the world from nuclear disaster, but who else would be able to solve a crime all with the contents of his pocket and maybe a paperclip. Also, you can't really argue with MacGyver's mullet.

17 year olds

Posted by Victor at 6:26 PM | Permalink | Comments

Irony. People such as Alanis will often tell you that irony is something like... I dunno....getting rained on during your wedding or dying on your first plane ride. Or something like getting run over by a Popeye's truck. Etc. etc. Many have debated with that that is truly irony. Well, let's take a gander at what wikipedia has to say:

Irony is best known as a figure of speech (more precisely called verbal irony) in which there is a gap or incongruity between what a speaker or a writer says, and what is understood. It can also be considered a twist of fate where an eventual occurrence relates back to a particular quote. All the different senses of irony, however, revolve around the notion of incongruity, or a gap between our understanding and what actually happens.

Buh? That sounds like lots of them Harvard talk. I'm not sure what notion of incongruity means, but to make things easier, here are lists of a types of irony and somewhat amusing examples.

Verbal Irony: Similiar to sarcasm, but it's much more implied and not as harsh and direct. A common example is Marc Antony's eulogy of Caesar. Yeah, I don't get it either, but in layman's terms, I think an example would be anything Stephen Colbert says about Bush and Republicans. It's said with a straight face, but it's verbal irony. Another example would be to say in a speech that "Being a lawyer requires great honesty, truth and a desire to fairly demand justice from a flawless system. At the heart of every litigation, an apology as all that is wanted."

Dramatic Irony: This occurs when someone describes a situation, unbenowest that what is said is wholly untrue. For example, this would be akin to Generic Reality Star A saying in the private room that "Generic Reality Star B is my best and most loyal friend on the show", when in truth, Generic Reality Star B is plotting the ouster/voting off/kicking out/firing of said Generic Reality Star A. Only we as the audience (sigh....and there is an audience) is in on the delidcious dramatic irony of Star B's true evil motives. Poor Star A. Moving on.

Situational Irony: This is the irony that most are familiar with. This is a combination of a unfair or unfortuate act that occurs to someone who is not expecting such results. Situational irony will often include the circumstantial or coincidental events that are not true ironies. For example, dying on your first flight ever after overcoming a fear of flying is a situational irony. Way to go, Alannis. But raining on your wedding day? No. Now, that WOULD be ironic if say, you were a weatherman who guarantees forecasts. Or a clown who died of sadness. I'm sure you can think of more.

Irony of Fate (Cosmic Irony):
This is like situational irony, but worse. It's so bad that normally in movies it'll make the lil' lady cry. It's also common for movie characters to turn upwards at God and shake a fist yelling "WHHHHHYYYY!!!!" It's a situational irony that is utterly tragic and makes one question whether there are dubious forces at work. A good example would be a fat person who after working hard to reach his target weight after years of hard work, decides to eat his first piece of fried chicken in years and choking to death on it. Sniff. That just...tears me up man. Twist of Fate Irony is often confused with "just plain shitty luck." There was to be some connection between the twistee and the twister. Like, if you work really hard to get somewhere, and that goal is not there when you reach it, that's just plain shitty luck. It becomes truly ironic is if there was some connection between your actions in reaching the goal and the goal not being there.

Alanis Morrisette: Yes, her song "Ironic", was indeed, NOT ironic. Most of the incidents mentioned (being late and stuck in a jam, winning the lottery and dying) are not examples of irony, but instead just unfortunate coincidences. Now, those incidents may have been ironic if you were late and stuck in a traffic jam, and you are the Director of Keeping Traffic Flowing. I think? I dunno. The point is, the next time you say "Man, that's ironic how so and so happened"...think about it. Do you really want to be some punk Canadian poser who calls everything ironic?

Posted by Victor at 7:17 AM | Permalink | Comments